Day 67 – #221. The Mars Volta – Amputechture

The Mars Volta - Amputechture

This week’s Friday special (which I’ve just made up) is The Mars Volta’s Amputechture. The album clocks in at 76 minutes long, which is less than 4 minutes away from not fitting on a single disc.

To commemorate the occasion, and because there’s so much to sift through over the course of the album, here’s a list of 76 things you could do in 76 minutes:

-Brush your teeth, a lot of times!

-Comb your hair.

-Comb your mustache.

-Comb your happy trail.

-Open up a Zoosk profile.

-Close a Zoosk profile.

-Watch a lot of Zoosk ads on YouTube while waiting for the video you’re going to use for your post on One Record Per Day dot com to load.

-Try to reconfigure your Apple AirPort Express because it refuses to work after you switch to Bright House.

-Fail, because it won’t god dang connect, what the shit.

Don’t switch to Bright House for Internet after your roommate moves out and disconnects your internet.

-Search for a new roommate.

-Listen to Amputechture (I guess this should have been number one, but eh.)

-Watch the Blackhawks finally lose this season.

-Watch full-length matches from a variety of fine wrestling programmes.

-Purchase the Chris Jericho autiobiography “A Lion’s Tale.”

-Let it sit in your bathroom, untouched for a while after you read the first 20 pages.

-Remind yourself that Mars Volta is still playing in the background.

-Look up the history of Mars Volta members.

-Wonder why Ikey left Mars Volta.

-Accidentally type “Ikea” instead of “Ikey.”

-Think about horsemeat and Sweden.

-Giggle that Microsoft word suggests “horsemeat” instead of “horse meat.”

-Think about why the black drummer left Volta.

-Google “Mars Volta black drummer.”

-Revel in the fact that the first video link is Thomas Pridgen’s drum solo from a show in Orlando in 2008.

-Recall fondly that very show.

-Spend at least 20 minutes watching Thomas Pridgen drum solos.

-Check to see how many items are in this list.

-Curse yourself for setting the bar so high.

-Try to figure out how to pad set list.

-…think a little bit more about padding that list.

-Cease and desist padding that list.

-Remember that the movie Hot Rod exists.

-Twirl your mustache.

-Comment how Amputechture is the last really, really good Volta record.

-Repeat that comment to your dog.

-Stop this list to play with your dog.

-Get tired of playing with your dog and put peanut butter in their Kong to stave off their animal instincts for a while.

-Peruse Twitter a while.

-Be simultaneously amused and disgusted by Rob Delaney’s tweets.

-Cheat and check tomorrow’s record.

-Scoff because you’ve never listened to it, but what you did listen to was underwhelming.

-Remind your readers that it was free, so it’ll be a completely fresh experience.

-Hint at what it is.

-(Astronautalis makes a guest appearance.)

-Watch your readers flock, their digital mouths agape in anticipation.

-Text your mom.

-Check Instagram.

-Like pictures of people you’ve never met and will never meet.

-Become upset by your findings for a multitude of reasons.

-Realize that Amputechture is finally over.

-Make that “cheer” motion where you clasp your hands together and shake on both sides.

-Wonder where in the hell that even came from and what it means.

-Try to Google that motion.

-Check the Blackhawks score (5-1).

-Listen to “Wax Simulcra” twice because it’s less than three minutes long.

-Read about the Mars Volta’s bitter breakup.

-Get bitter about the At the Drive-in reunion tour not performing any East Coast dates.

-Make the comparison to Refused’s Atlanta show again.

-Check to see how many items you have left to write in this list.

-Remind yourself it’s for a good reason you ever started such a project.

-Forget what that reason is.

-Try to justify not doing a post someday.

-Fail to come up with a reason not to do a post someday.

-Get the smart idea to list out 5 of your favorite Mars Volta songs in no particular order:

-“Wax Simulcra”

-“Miranda That Ghost Just Isn’t Holy Anymore: B. Pour Another Icepick”

-“This Apparatus Must Be Unearthed”



-Realize you once again have written more than 750 words.

-Recall what a professor told you about being burnt out on the project by the end of month two.

-Take this opportunity to tell your readers you feel you are in the minority because you are in no rush to get married and have no interest in having children but feel the immense pressure from society and your peers because you’re at an age when that kind of stuff happens.

-Realize that this type of forum isn’t the best for that type of statement.

-Marvel at the painting from which Amputechture’s cover art originates:


-Thank your readers and sign off.

From 2006’s Amputechture, this is The Mars Volta’s “Tetragrammaton” –

Standout tracks: “Asilos Magdalena” and “Day of the Baphomets” (holy incredible bass intro)
Weakest track: “El Ciervo Vulnerado”

RIYL: Prog rock. Sprawling, absurdly long albums.



One comment

  1. Pingback: Day 341 – #218. The Mars Volta – Frances the Mute « One Record Per Day

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